Monday, March 25, 2013

The beginning of an ending

We have
and laughed
in this house for 14 years
It is the longest
we have ever lived
in one place as a family
Today is the day
when all of this begins to end

Today the moving truck arrives to take half of this families belongings away

This mama bird never seems to do things in the normal fashion
Instead of sending my chicks into the world
they are sending me into the world

I am an odd mama bird

My life is full of examples of abnormal patterns of living

The world must be scratching its head

I know this must be the case 
because when I share what our families last year has been like:
the loss, the confusion, the drifting, the worry,
the questions of why, what and how will this family survive   

When I share how God cradled this family close during the storm....
the heads start scratching and the questions come...

Why didn't you tell us?
We didn't know...

When did this happen?
We didn't realize...

Those that were close to the center had some idea,
but no one knows the emotions that creep up in the dark of the night.

It was not like we were trying to hide anything
or pretend all was well

In a sense, all was and is well

For we never lost sight of who was steering our family
even when we did not understand 

Who are we to question?

This does not mean it has not been hard,
Faith is hard
Trust in the dark is hard
Stepping into the unknown is hard
Letting go is hard
Leaving is hard

But, in spite of it being hard,
We trust

We begin again

We willingly close up one way of life for another

It is hard to explain being happy and sad at the same time
But there it is

It is the simplest explanation of faith...
to step into a new beginning being
Happy to know that God has my back and is going before me
Happy that He has provided in wonderful ways for this family
Happy to remember how great this life has been
Happy in anticipation for what He has for all of this family in the future,
even as we live in separate places.
Sad of what I must let go of to move forward with The Lord
Sad to leave my chicks, for this mama bird loves her chicks
Sad for those that don't understand how God moves His people
Sad for those close to me who do not trust in God's plan

Most of all, I am thankful for this beginning of an end.
It has been a beautiful way to raise my chicks
I knew in my head that one day we would be separated by space and time
I just had no idea it would look like this

But as you now know...

I am an odd mama bird 
preparing for flight with my soul mate and my God

Matthew 6:25-34
Here is the bottom line: do not worry about your life.
Don’t worry about what you will eat or what you will drink.
Don’t worry about how you clothe your body.
Living is about more than merely eating,
and the body is about more than dressing up.
Look at the birds in the sky.
They do not store food for winter.
They don’t plant gardens.
They do not sow or reap—and yet,
they are always fed because your heavenly Father feeds them.
And you are even more precious to Him than a beautiful bird.
If He looks after them,
of course He will look after you.
Worrying does not do any good;
who here can claim to add even an hour to his life by worrying? ...
Joshua 1:7-9
Always be strong and courageous,
and always live by all of the law I gave to my servant Moses,
never turning from it—
even ever so slightly—
so that you may succeed wherever you go. 
Let the words from the book of the law be always on your lips.
Meditate on them day and night
so that you may be careful to live by all that is written in it.
If you do,
as you make your way through this world,
you will prosper and always find success.
This is My command:
be strong and courageous.
Never be afraid or discouraged
because I am your God,
the Eternal One,
and I will remain with you wherever you go.

Monday, March 18, 2013

Sun seeker to Son seeker

This morning I got on a plane
that had to be de-iced
before we could take off
leaving gray skys and landing in a sunny day. 
As I continue to travel back and forth
between my soon to be past
to my new present life,
there is a lot to sort out.
Life is changing and things are going to be different. 
No longer will almost everyday begin with a bright blue sky

I will have to buy more shoes
for I will no longer be able
to wear flip flops year round.

 I will have to make my own tortillas

and ship my favorite enchilada sauce

What about green chili's!

No longer will I drive on 4 lane freeways
Or dust my house every other day
I will have to make new friends to have tea with
I will have to figure out which way is north, south, east and west.

No longer will I be able to use a mountain
to tell me which direction I am facing.
no longer will I be able to sit in the sun
 all day, any day I choose
I know as I feel out my new place,
there will be many things that are not the same,
that will never be the same.

But there are many things
that are constant no matter where I am:
God is present everywhere
God's people are present everywhere
God's creation reveals who He is everywhere
My family loves me
Good friends stay good friends no matter the distance
And whether I can see the sun or not, it is there

One of my favorite flowers is the Sunflower

It is so bright and big
I love how it tracks the sun all day long
It just moves its face so that it is always facing the sun.
My ultimate goal is similar, which is why I love this visual.

I want to be be bright and colorful
I want to track Jesus, God's son, all day long
So no matter where I am,
others can know by my actions who I am facing
Who I love
Who I can not do without
Who I seek all day, every day 

Like the Sunflower seeks the sun
I will seek The Son

Even though days may go by without the sun peeking out in my new place
The Son is always present and constant  
I pray that I can stay bright
That I can track with Him all day long
That I move when He moves
No matter where I am.

Psalm 24

A Psalm of David.

1 The earth is the Lord’s, and the fullness of it, the world and they who dwell in it.

2 For He has founded it upon the seas and established it upon the currents and the rivers.

3 Who shall go up into the mountain of the Lord? Or who shall stand in His Holy Place?

4 He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who has not lifted himself up to falsehood or to what is false, nor sworn deceitfully.

5 He shall receive blessing from the Lord and righteousness from the God of his salvation.

6 This is the generation [description] of those who seek Him [who inquire of and for Him and of necessity require Him], who seek Your face, [O God of] Jacob. Selah [pause, and think of that]!
amplified version

Monday, March 11, 2013


There they are
All stacked up
and ready to go
Everything that I feel I can't live without
All the things
I value enough to take with me
and boxed
for the next chapter of my life
I am not sad
I am not jumping for joy either
It is a weird feeling to be sure

Maybe I am in shock,
that the chance of having my own adventure is actually coming true.
I have always been a "sender"
You know, the one that cheers on and encourages those that are moving on.
I am good at it
Helping my friends see all the good that is going to come out of going
Packing them up and pushing them into their new life
I have always been a "sender"

I use to fake complain about never going, always sending.
That my lot in life was to make really good close friends
and then send them away into what God had for them to do next.

I am use to it
I have come to expect
that whenever I make a friend
that God is planning
a grand adventure for them
and I am part of the bon voyage party
One that helps them see
there is something
somewhere else for them to do.

But there is no getting around the obvious
It's my turn...
I am going!!!
I am leaving!!
It is actually happening!
I have the boxes to prove it.
I have the lease on a place to live to prove it.
I have the scheduled moving date to prove it.
It is actually happening.  

I have great anticipation about it all
God has always done a great job
of laying down the perfect path for me to follow.

He is with me

He is here

With each box I have packed, I have prayed
I have prayed for those that I am leaving behind
I have prayed for those that I have still to meet
that God has waiting for me in my new place.

He has been so good to me.
I have already met several people in my new place
that are praying for me and my family as we transition.
This is so humbling to me.
Why am I surprised that the God of the universe
has already put into motion a body of believers
that are eager to take us in and fold us into their body?

He has laid down the perfect path for me to follow.

I have yet to share with those I am leaving
all the amazing ways God has confirmed that I must go.
I think it is because I am going to miss everyone so much.
My precious family. I will miss seeing their lives unfold.
My dear friends. I will miss the laughing, the crying, the hugs, the serving...
There are moments in the day where it feels too much to bear
but then My Heavenly Father will remind me that there is purpose in it all.

So, as my boxes
begin their trek
across the country
I pray that my heart
will stay wide open
to what God is doing
in my new place .
It is exciting...
and I believe that He has invited
Wes and I to step into it.

I am truly undone
when I think about what is happening
here in my new place.
It takes my breath away.
I can not wait to start unpacking my boxes and setting up our home.
Even as I struggle to let go of where my roots are.

Psalm 16:8-11

The Voice (VOICE)
8 He is ever present with me;
at all times He goes before me.
I will not live in fear or abandon my calling
because He stands at my right hand.
9 This is a good life—my heart is glad, my soul is full of joy,
and my body is at rest.
Who could want for more?
10 You will not abandon me to experience death and the grave
or leave me to rot alone.
11 Instead, You direct me on the path that leads to a beautiful life.
As I walk with You, the pleasures are never-ending,
and I know true joy and contentment.