For as long as I can remember I have doubted whether my Dad believed in God.
Let me clarify that, whether Jesus Christ was Lord over his life.
This issue has at times become a stumbling place for me.
In fact, I have a passive/agressive response when it comes to
my Dad's final destination.
There are times when I am completely broken hearted
at the distance between my Heavenly Father and my earthly one.
Then there are times when I give up,
assume it is a done deal and
choose to have no feelings about it at all.
"It is what it is".
Watching my father over the years deal with life has shown me
what a hard heart looks like.
I had read about this,
but for some reason I thought hard hearts belonged to
angry, ugly, destructive people.
But, what I have learned is that hard hearts can belong to
those that love others, who work hard, those that seem to be "good" people,
like my Dad.
Hard hearts come in different shapes and sizes,
but they all have a few things in common.
They do not see the need for a Savior
They think that those that rely on a god are weak
They are self-reliant
They seek significance in things of this world
Back and forth I go,
sad and broken hearted to
giving up and without feeling.
Right now I have been on the giving up end of things.
Since I am "not allowed" to speak about anything religious,
I feel I have no where to go.
Okay....there is prayer...I know that with my head,
but my heart forgets.
Why can't I be level headed about this?
Why can't I see my Dad as others that I know that are lost?
So, there it is
Hope is a wonderful and surprising thing.
It truly is the catalyst for faith.
Just when it all seems lost, hope appears.
Sometimes in the most interesting ways.
Ways that can only be from God himself.
I saw hope, I found faith
to continue praying for my Dad
to wait patiently as my Heavenly Father works things out.
In a fleeting conversation,
that was meant to be pleasantries,
goodbyes after a week long visit with my Mom and Dad,
from the mouth of a lost man,
"I told your mom, God is everywhere. He does not just exist in church"
"Your so right Dad, He is everywhere."
My heart leaps and skips a beat.
He does know there is a God.
It is a seed of hope.
So I will keep praying
That someday my daddy will know my Abba Father.
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.