Monday, February 27, 2012

Homesick

There are days when I don't feel like I belong here.
I am a transplant.
I moved here with my husband and kids because that is where the job is. 
I miss my home town.
I miss everything about it.
Mostly I miss my family relationships.
It seems the more time I spend there, the more I long to be back there.

Over the past few days I was there hanging out with one of my dearest friends,
who also happens to be my sister in law.
Her mom was at the end of her days and while I was there she passed.
I felt so privileged to be with my friend during those moments
and days right after her loss.
It felt like we were in a bubble while the rest of the world kept rushing through life.
We talked a lot, as together we worked through
some of the details of losing a parent. 
There were papers she needed to sign, decisions she had to make,
people to have conversations with.
And I,
I walked beside her as she
sat
thought
signed
walked
laughed
read
hugged
packed 
talked...you get the picture.

It was so lovely and precious. I loved every minute of it. It made me homesick.

My feeling homesick for my home town is just a shadow of how
I should long to be in the presence of My Savior. 
This world is not my home.
That is why I feel restless and unsettled.

2 Corinthians 5:1-9
For we know that if the earthly tent which is our house is torn down,
we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.
For indeed in this house we groan,
longing to be clothed with our dwelling from heaven;
inasmuch as we, having put it on, shall not be found naked.
For indeed while we are in this tent, we groan, being burdened, because we do not want to be unclothed, but to be clothed, in order that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now He who prepared us for this very purpose is God,
who gave to us the Spirit as a pledge.
Therefore, being always of good courage, and knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord-- 
for we walk by faith, not by sight--
we are of good courage, I say,and prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord.
Therefore also we have as our ambition, whether at home or absent,
to be pleasing Him.   

So there it is...
I, like Paul, groan, longing to be clothed with my dwelling from heaven.
That is what it really is, when I feel like I miss something I have lost or can not find.
That restless longing. I am not going to find it here on earth, no matter how much I try.
I may see glimpses of it, in a friendship, in corporate worship, in God's creation.
But just a glimpse

What a day that will be, when Jesus face I will see. I will be home, truly home.

I wonder if there are saguaro cactus there?

     

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Coo-Chi, Woo-Chi

My best friend
has a birthday this weekend.
I am so blessed
to know this person.
This person has made
my life better and bigger
than it would be otherwise.

The best part is that I have been married to him for 25 + years.

God found the most perfect man for me. He completes me and has been part of the healing that needed to take place in my life.

That is one of the cool things about God.
He finds the most inventive ways to care for His own.
I never could have guessed that the man that I married would be the main instrument that God would use to draw me closer to Him and to mend those parts of me that needed care.

When our kids were little, we use to sing this song to each other.
It is from the movie Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

It still makes me smile and is so us!!

So Happy Birthday to my one and only....


You're my little chu-chi face
My coo-chi, coo-chi, woo-chi little chu-chi face
Every time I look at you I sigh
And you're my little teddy bear
My lovey lovey dovey little teddy bear
You're the apple strudel of mine eye
Your chu-chi woo-chi nose
Your chu-chi woo-chi eyes
They set my heart a flutter
Your ooo-chi coo-chi ways
Your ooo-chi coo-chi gaze
Wilts me down like melting butter
You're my little chu-chi face
And you're my teddy bear
Together we're a chu-chi woo-chi, ooo-chi coo-chi pair
Whatever you may ask becomes my happy task
I only live to serve you
I never will divine what magic made you mine
I only know I don't deserve you
You're my little chu-chi face
And you're my teddy bear
Together we're a chu-chi woo-chi, ooo-chi coo-chi
Chu-chi, Woo-chi, Ooo-chi, Coo-chi pair
Chu-chi
Woo-chi
Ooo-chi
Coo-chi pair

Monday, February 13, 2012

Standing Firm or Swept Away

I waited patiently
for the Lord.
He turned to me 
and heard my cry.
He lifted me out
of the pit of destruction,
out of the sticky mud.
He stood me on a rock
and made my feet steady.
Psalm 40:1-2

I love this verse,
but I have to say, I tend to want the second half without the first half. That whole "waiting patiently" thing, it just seems like a lot to ask when I am in a pickle. Can't God just come swooping down, pull me out and steady me right from the get-go so I don't have to wait, especially patiently.
It just doesn't sound like a good time.
I mean I am in a pit of destruction for goodness sake! Get me out of here! Quick!!
It is sticky and it stinks like putrid swampy mud.
He could not possibly want me to stay here.
It is awful! 

These last few months have been a time of waiting in my household.
We are all waiting for something. Some days it is a patient waiting and others it is an anxiety attack. I think because I live in such a fast pace, instant culture, waiting patiently at times seems so foreign. This world has done it's best to hurry me and cause me to think I deserve instant answers, instant saving, instant everything.

But the more I study scripture, the more I see that God
is in my life for the long haul. His work in me is steady and thoughtful.
Sometimes that means when I find myself in a situation, 
He keeps me there. It teaches me patience. It teaches me to wait. 
When I do not wait patiently instead of being steady on my feet,
I get swept away with the situation. 
I feel depressed, desperate, anxious, fearful, lonely...
all real feelings,
all far from God.
I forget to cry out, I forget to wait patiently for His answer, His plan.

Wait patiently.... in those two words I can feel the emotions behind them.
Calm in the midst of chaos, expectation, seeking,
resting in the present circumstance.

God will not let me be destroyed. He is going to pull me out
and set me on a steady place.
But, in the mean time....
while I wait...I pray,
while I wait... I cry out to Him,
while I wait...I pray for guidance and endurance,
while I wait...patiently
                                                                                    

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Once a Mom, always a Mom

When I was a young mom,
I could not imagine what it would be like to have grown children.
It was so far away. 
I could barely get through
the laundry,
the discipline,
the meals,
the corrections,
the wiping of noses,
the drying of tears (mine and theirs!),
the driving to this appointment or that activity,
the permission slip signing,
the report card reading,
the birthday parties,
 the sleepless nights.

I could not imagine anything else.

But, here I am, the mom of two grown kids.
I have days where I still imagine them as 5 years old.
I have days where I see them for the adults they are becoming.

It is an adjustment for all of us.

Some days they are so independent that I can not see how I fit in as a mother.
But then there are days when I am reminded, I still have a job, they still desire my influence in their life.

Those days when I am helping them are often about hard things. It is not like when they were little and the answers were easy...
how to match their clothes,
how to address a letter,
how to apologize to a friend,
how to organize their room, etc.

These are grown up things...
how to decide what they want to be for the rest of their life,
how to say no,
how to stand up for themselves,
how to keep going in a difficult situation that they can not walk away from 

Hard things

I am so grateful that my children still seek wisdom from their father and me. It is a blessing and fills me with joy. At the same time my heart hurts that they have to experience grown up situations that often times have no simple answers. I so want to become a Mama bear and go and beat up those that make my babies cry.
But we are not talking about issues in the sandbox.
These are grown up things, hard things.

We are all familiar with Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it.
And then there is Ephesians 6:4
And Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in discipline and instruction of the Lord

I could get my hands around these principles much more easily when my kids were little. But now that they are dealing with adult size issues things do not seem so cut and dry.

The fact is, that these principles hold true. They just look a little different. 

My husband and I can still "train" by reminding them of things they already know are true and showing/encouraging them to apply them in a grown up world. By doing this we are helping them to continue to grow and mature. If we are not helping we could find ourselves hindering their path to maturity. I have given a few links below that address how we do this as parents of adult children and how to turn that around.   
We are also able to continue to apply Ephesians 6 as well. I find it easier than ever to provoke my children to anger. I do this with my words and my body language. There are days that instead of encouraging them I discourage them by saying things that tear down instead of build up, or just stating the obvious in a hurtful tone. When I do those things, it can take days to build up the level of trust  that I managed to tear down in seconds.     

Parenting adult children is a balancing act.  

I always want my kids to know that:
I am in their corner, cheering them on to greatness.
I will always point them to God's Word.
I will never stop praying for them.

My knees have never been more callused from the prayers
I offer up on behalf of my kids. 

These things will never change.
No matter how old they are, or how addled I become!! 

Below are a few links that I have found helpful in the journey


http://www.biblicalparenting.org/pr-adultchildren.asp
http://www.troubledwith.com/Relationships/ParentsAdultChildren.cfm
http://www.crosswalk.com/family/parenting/when-helping-hurts-are-you-an-enabling-parent-11599054.html
http://www.crosswalk.com/family/parenting/but-hes-a-good-kid…-11600681.html
http://www.crosswalk.com/family/parenting/stop-the-flow-of-money-to-your-adult-kids-11603045.html
http://www.crosswalk.com/family/parenting/but-mom-its-not-my-fault-11603769.html
http://www.crosswalk.com/family/parenting/parenting-adult-children-six-steps-to-sanity-11606988.html
http://www.crosswalk.com/family/parenting/it’s-time-to-change-how-you-interact-with-your-adult-child-11609700.html