A Long, Good Goodbye

When I first found out that Wes and I would be moving
to the Pittsburgh area,
it seemed unreal.

I could not even picture what that would look like.
I have lived pretty much in the same area my whole life.
Embedded in family, church, a house,
a dog, ......

I have mused in the past of living somewhere else
I mean other people do it
It must be exciting to have an adventure like that

But when push came to shove, I could not imagine it.

It took time

Time that my Sweet Abba Father
willingly,
lovingly
and abundantly gave to me.

He gave me a whole 6 months from start to finish
to wrap my arms around this new thing.
To finish and tie up the loose ends of my Arizona life.
To have last conversations
last coffee dates
last tea dates
last lunches
last hugs
last hand holdings
last acts of service to loved ones
last moments of encouraging
and releasing my flock of lambs I have been coaching and caring for,
you know who you are!

I have loved every minute of this process

I could not have asked for anything more.
It has been more than I deserve.

I have laughed till I cried
I have cried till I have had no more tears
I have held tight to an idea that I could do both,

be invested in both places.

But, through this process of my long goodbye
I have been open to what ever God has for me.
And what He has for me
right now
is
to let go
let go of what is familiar
to not look back
to let go of all of it
to begin a new thing
whole heartedly
with everything I have

God never let's us stand still for long
His plan is bigger than we can imagine

So, for those I am leaving and letting go of...
I love you
I know you can keep your eyes on Jesus
without my reminders
I will be watching and praying

Psalm 37:23 and 24 are for you...

 If you are right with God, He strengthens you for the journey;
    the Eternal will be pleased with your life.
And even though you trip up, you will not fall on your face
    because He holds you by the hand.

for those I am just getting to know...
I love you already
I know that as we walk together
our faith will grow stronger and we will be knit together in service to our Lord.

It has been a wonderful Long, Good, Goodbye

Now it is time for some Grand, Exciting, Hellos

I am off to the airport

going home

leaving what is now my past 

to go home

Goodbye.....

Hello....

Psalm 37: 3-5 is my personal prayer and promise....
I believe in the Eternal,
and I will do what is good--
I am going to live in the land He has provided for me,
I am going to roam in the land
and I am going to rest in God's faithfulness in my life.
I am taking great joy in the Eternal!
His gifts in this new land are coming,
and they are all my heart desires!
I am continuing to commit my path to the Eternal;
I am letting Him direct me.
I am putting my confidence in Him,
He has promised to follow through with me.  

Life of a Hobo

I found this definition on-line a hobo is an itinerant worker,  a career which sprang up during the depression. A hobo is more than willing to work, but mostly for a short duration, as their main impetus is travel, the love of the journey above the actual destination. This is so me right now... I have been living the life of a hobo for almost a month now I actually have hobo in my DNA My Granddad was a hobo... I had other distant relative that were as well... sometimes "riding the rails" from town to town to find work sometimes "hitching a ride" from place to place to find work sleeping wherever they could working wherever they could not feeling tied down enjoying the freedom of moving around One of my main goals with this move was to "finish well" I had several big things and a few small things that I have felt compelled to finish before moving on. It has been so good to finish well. To feel I have completed what I had started. but, in the process of finishing well I became a hobo I packed up my belongings and sent them across the country I kept a suitcase full of necessities with me I gave up my bedroom I kept my pillow with me I gave away things I kept only what I needed I began sleeping on couches moving from place to place  loving the journey of it all And here I am... at my last stop of this hobo tour spending time with my sister, brother-in-law and nephews I will count every minute as special I will enjoy this part of my journey In a little over a week I will be going home to my new home where my best friend has been patiently waiting for this hobo to finish her rounds. I am so ready to be grounded again. It has been nice and I am pleased that my goal of finishing well was accomplished. Only by God's grace and the hospitality of great friends and relatives could all of this been made possible. Psalm 145 I will extol You, my God, O King, And I will bless Your name forever and ever. 2 Every day I will bless You, And I will praise Your name forever and ever. 3 Great is the Lord, and highly to be praised, And His greatness is unsearchable. 4 One generation shall praise Your works to another, And shall declare Your mighty acts. 5 On the glorious splendor of Your majesty And on Your wonderful works, I will meditate. 6 Men shall speak of the power of Your awesome acts, And I will tell of Your greatness. 7 They shall eagerly utter the memory of Your abundant goodness And will shout joyfully of Your righteousness. 8 The Lord is gracious and merciful; Slow to anger and great in loving-kindness. 9 The Lord is good to all, And His mercies are over all His works. 10 All Your works shall give thanks to You, O Lord, And Your godly ones shall bless You. 11 They shall speak of the glory of Your kingdom And talk of Your power; 12 To make known to the sons of men Your mighty acts And the glory of the majesty of Your kingdom. 13 Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, And Your dominion endures throughout all generations. 14 The Lord sustains all who fall And raises up all who are bowed down. 15 The eyes of all look to You, And You give them their food in due time. 16 You open Your hand And satisfy the desire of every living thing. 17 The Lord is righteous in all His ways And kind in all His deeds. 18 The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, To all who call upon Him in truth. 19 He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him; He will also hear their cry and will save them. 20 The Lord keeps all who love Him, But all the wicked He will destroy. 21 My mouth will speak the praise of the Lord, And all flesh will bless His holy name forever and ever.

Hugging Porcupines

Now, I know what you are thinking...
Why would I do that?
Hug a Porcupine?
 
The truth is,
We all have porcupines in our lives.
 
I have porcupines in my life...
they come in different shapes and sizes
but none the less, they are porcupines.
 
People I care about,
even love
that at times cause me pain
 
Not physical pain
heart pain
 
Like a porcupine
if they feel safe, in control
they are soft, approachable,
but the minute they feel threatened or out of control
the quills come out
they begin to defend themselves,
hurting others
hurting feelings,
causing space between themselves and those that care most for them
 
It is hard
It hurts
 
But,
Porcupines need love too
they need understanding
they need tender loving care
they even need a good hug once in a while
 
My porcupines are not going away anytime soon
so I have to learn to do more than co-exist with them
at least I want to learn to do more than that.
I can see the loneliness in their eyes
the sadness
the fear of the future
fear of the unknown
fear of those things that are out of their control
the quills have become a barrier between the world and themselves
what was once a natural defense mechanism
is now the thing that causes people and things to flee from their presence,
it causes people to turn away from them, avoid them even
 
I find myself feeling sorrow on their behalf
thinking less about my heart ache and more about theirs
I long to find out what is at the bottom of it
 
What I find is a dark place
where there is little or no joy
where any thought of trusting Jesus is replaced
with attempting to control their worlds 

poor lonely porcupines

I love my personal porcupines
I really want to give them a big hug

So here I go...

putting aside my own agenda, my own safety,
reaching out
carefully, slowly, no quick moves, 
willing to take a few quills
willing to have my feelings hurt
willing 

Oh to be like Jesus...
he had porcupines too
the lepers
the tax collectors
prostitutes
beggars
betrayers

porcupines

and through it all
He consistently stayed on message about
God's love
God's mercy
God's grace
God's judgment

He walked among them
staying on message
even as His heart broke
even as He knew some would reject Him and the message
even when He knew the pain that was to come

He came anyway
He hugged them
He came close
He loved

I pray that I can do this
It is hard
but I know with the Holy Spirit's help
I can 

Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength








  

Full Circle

I was witness
to something
amazingly beautiful
yesterday...

I am not even sure
I can put it into words,
but I am going to try




Part of my history belongs to a church body in Tucson, AZ.
It is where I was first accepted for who I am
the place I met Jesus
the place where I first understood
what living in community looks and feels like
I met my husband there
I met some life long friends there
I met my "in time" sister's husband there
my kids were rocked in rocking chairs there

We were there in what I would consider a high time

But...
things change
people move away, 
people die
vision gets skewed
hearts break
and before you know it
this thriving,
God loving church
is holding on by a thread

How can that be?
It is a lot of big and little things

This process has also given me a glimpse of what a remnant looks like

For although much has happened to this body,
a remnant remained
steadfast
believing that God had not abandoned them
sticking together
continuing to care and love on one another
serving the body and the community around them

Years go by...
faith remains

And then yesterday...
How can I begin?

We weren't even going to go
For we are in the middle of moving across the country
But we felt compelled to be witness to something

It was like a grand reunion, for others like us who had moved on came too.
Hugs, Tears, catching up on the years gone by

And in the midst of it all
there they were
the remnant...
standing strong and tall in their faith

All so beautiful
too beautiful to describe

This remnant,
who refused to give up or give in
who knew that God still had things He wanted them to do

took a leap of faith
they invited a new thing to happen
with an old friend

For you see,
the man they chose to shepherd them yesterday
started his spiritual journey among them many years ago
He met Jesus among this remnant
He began to learn what community means

And then,
He went out into the world to serve the Lord

And now,
He has come home to where it all began for him
to shepherd a people that he never stopped loving

Full Circle
as only a creative Savior could have arranged

What else can I say?

Change

To become altered or modified

I really don't know anyone that likes change...
even change for the good
even when the altered is better than the original
even when the modified makes more sense

Change is hard  

I personally find that living with what I have
although not perfect
even when it is hurts
even when it keeps me awake at night...

It is what I know
familiar
predictable

What is wrong with that, I say!
Comfy
Cozy
Knowing what is today will be the same tomorrow

How can God be
Sovereign, 
Unchanging
and yet be the God that
moves mountains   
changes hearts
creates a new thing?

He is and He does

Since it is true, I must know and embrace the fact that
Change is one of the ways that
He shows me what He has for me to do
He shows me that He will not leave me the way I am
He shows me that the current circumstance is not permanent

I trust My Lord
He has never abandoned me
even when I tried to run from Him and His ways
He has never given up on me
even when I am in rebellion and do what I know makes Him sad
He patiently waits for me to jump on board with what He has for me

My Abba is good that way

This worlds concept of change is so different than His

May I stay focused on God's way and perspective
and become blind to the noise of the world.

 

2 Corinthians 3:18

New International Reader's Version (NIRV)

Our faces are not covered with a veil. We all display the Lord’s glory.
We are being changed to become more like Him
so that we have more and more glory.
And the glory comes from the Lord, who is the Holy Spirit.

 

What are you wearing!?

This time of year in Arizona
the modesty crisis begins at many churches
Mine included
You see, it is warm here
and when it gets warm,
girls of all ages start wearing less and showing more.

I get it
It is hot
and that little top is soooooooo cute!

The thing is,
church is not the place
to wear a tube top,
or short shorts,
or mini skirts,
or show cleavage
or bare midsections,
or bare backs.
church is not the place
to wear anything
that brings more attention to the person
than it does to why we are at church.

I know, I am way up on my soap box...

But really girls

Why do you go to church?

I go to church to worship,
not to be distracted
by someone practically falling out of their shirt
Or someone who has to constantly pull their shirt up
or down in order not to show parts of their body.  
Or someone who can't bend over or
sit down without exposing their upper thigh region.

Okay, I know, I am getting up in some peoples grill.

Do people say that anymore?

There are those that say,
well....I think I look fine
and I want to look cute
and that is all that they are selling in the stores.....
blah blah blah...

If I say it is distracting,
they say that is not their problem
If I say that we sisters should be willing to protect our brothers in Christ,
they say that is not their responsibility

I understand it is hard sometimes to discern what to wear,
but at the end of the day it is less about that and all about God.

We are there to worship,
to learn about God and His Son.

We are not there to put on a fashion show or attract a mate.

God wants our whole heart.
God wants our motives. 
He wants our focus to be on Him.

Since that is the case,
He must want that for all His children,
so we girls need to do our part
by not getting in the way of someone else 
who is trying to focus on God
 and participate in worshiping Him when they are at church.

I know this means we have to be mindful when we dress for church...
so take another 5 minutes and think of your brothers and sisters in Christ
before you walk out the door.

1 Timothy 2:9-10

The Voice (VOICE)

⁹ Women, the same goes for you:
dress properly, modestly, and appropriately.
Don’t get carried away in grooming your hair
or seek beauty in glittering gold, pearls, or expensive clothes.
¹⁰ Instead, as is fitting,
let good works decorate your true beauty
and show that you are a woman who claims reverence for God.

Amen!

For the last 4 months I have been meeting with the most amazing group of women.
They all come from different backgrounds and are in different seasons of their lives.
We have come together to ponder and discuss who we are as women
who are believers in Jesus Christ and who are involved in our local church.   
It has been great fun every time we have gotten together.
We have talked about anything and everything pertaining to women and "the church".
There is no way that I could possibly write down everything here.
But if you are in town, you can get a glimpse of us chatting it up
this Wednesday at Gilbert Redemption Church. 
      

The beginning of an ending

We have

lived,

loved

and laughed

in this house for 14 years

 

It is the longest

we have ever lived

in one place as a family

 

Today is the day

when all of this begins to end

Today the moving truck arrives to take half of this families belongings away

This mama bird never seems to do things in the normal fashion
Instead of sending my chicks into the world
they are sending me into the world

I am an odd mama bird

My life is full of examples of abnormal patterns of living

The world must be scratching its head

I know this must be the case 
because when I share what our families last year has been like:
the loss, the confusion, the drifting, the worry,
the questions of why, what and how will this family survive   

When I share how God cradled this family close during the storm....
the heads start scratching and the questions come...

Why didn't you tell us?
We didn't know...

When did this happen?
We didn't realize...

Those that were close to the center had some idea,
but no one knows the emotions that creep up in the dark of the night.

It was not like we were trying to hide anything
or pretend all was well

In a sense, all was and is well

For we never lost sight of who was steering our family
even when we did not understand 

Who are we to question?

This does not mean it has not been hard,
Faith is hard
Trust in the dark is hard
Stepping into the unknown is hard
Letting go is hard
Leaving is hard

But, in spite of it being hard,
We trust

We begin again

We willingly close up one way of life for another

It is hard to explain being happy and sad at the same time
But there it is

It is the simplest explanation of faith...
to step into a new beginning being
Happy to know that God has my back and is going before me
Happy that He has provided in wonderful ways for this family
Happy to remember how great this life has been
Happy in anticipation for what He has for all of this family in the future,
even as we live in separate places.
Sad of what I must let go of to move forward with The Lord
Sad to leave my chicks, for this mama bird loves her chicks
Sad for those that don't understand how God moves His people
Sad for those close to me who do not trust in God's plan

Most of all, I am thankful for this beginning of an end.
It has been a beautiful way to raise my chicks
I knew in my head that one day we would be separated by space and time
I just had no idea it would look like this

But as you now know...

I am an odd mama bird 
preparing for flight with my soul mate and my God


Matthew 6:25-34
Here is the bottom line: do not worry about your life.
Don’t worry about what you will eat or what you will drink.
Don’t worry about how you clothe your body.
Living is about more than merely eating,
and the body is about more than dressing up.
Look at the birds in the sky.
They do not store food for winter.
They don’t plant gardens.
They do not sow or reap—and yet,
they are always fed because your heavenly Father feeds them.
And you are even more precious to Him than a beautiful bird.
If He looks after them,
of course He will look after you.
Worrying does not do any good;
who here can claim to add even an hour to his life by worrying? ...

 

Joshua 1:7-9

Always be strong and courageous,

and always live by all of the law I gave to my servant Moses,

never turning from it—

even ever so slightly—

so that you may succeed wherever you go. 

Let the words from the book of the law be always on your lips.

Meditate on them day and night

so that you may be careful to live by all that is written in it.

If you do,

as you make your way through this world,

you will prosper and always find success.

This is My command:

be strong and courageous.

Never be afraid or discouraged

because I am your God,

the Eternal One,

and I will remain with you wherever you go.